letting go

i've received an invitation by government to buy my second house below market price
it's PRIMA house

under usual circumstances, there will be no valid reason for me to reject the offer

he even said to me, that i should have it.. in his words,

"kalau abang meninggal nanti, at least sayang boleh duduk situ"..

i looked at him.. too long that i didn't realise that he is looking back at me.

those words means a lot.

deep down, i knew he acknowledged that i wouldn't be living where we are living now if it wasn't for him

and he also know that i always think that i always think that could live on my own

but...
life would be no colour if there is no you, dear husband
to whom would i fight every morning
to whom would i miss because your lack of interest of sms-ing
or even talking to me..
to whom would i go for warmth in the middle of the night

don't say about dying
cause i'm not ready to let you go
cause i hate you a lot but i love you more that my mind can process

..

..

so, we let the house go
cause i can let it go
but i can't let you go
and definitely the idea of you 'going'

(and yes, money constraint too..errr)