6 lesson learned in 2016

1. your best friend can turn into your worst enemy.
2. 21km marathon is doable.
3. you must know how and when to stop talking.
4. raising a baby son is much easier than a baby girl. maybe because i am more experienced?
5. if you sit too long, you will get sore ass.
6. cooking when no one is looking is very therapeutic. 

love note

i hate you! aaaaarghhh!!!!!!!

cari redha Allah Manisah... jangan harapkan redha manusia...

buat sesuatu kerana Allah, ingat, Manisah!

lalu?

malam tadi aku mimpi
hampir lemas aku dihanyut air yang deras
menerpa bak ombak tsunami
dan aku berpaut pada pagar nan rapuh
air di mana mana
air di mana mana
di mana mana?

aku di mana?

Of deficit and surplus

Of all the credit you have taken,
you owe more to her.

There is no reason can justify your action

whether you are alive or at peace

why do you kept hunting us with your decisions?

man of secret and lies

Setiap kali apa sahaja berkenaan lelaki itu timbul, seribu satu perasaan yang muncul dalam hati ni. Nak benci, nak marah, nak kesian,..... tapi tak pernah sekali pun nak sayang.

this is all caused by an irresponsible divorce.

after all, he is our father. bond by blood. janji Allah, ikatan tu sampailah ke akhirat. i hate liars, and the most natural liars i knew is the one blood which flows all over my body.

bukan setakat masa hidup, sampai lah ke akhir usia dia masih menafikan hak kami sebagai anak dia yang sah. apa hina sangat kami ni?

he's the reason i've never overcome my confidence and trust issue.

the reason of so many conflict of life choices.

and now, when i almost forgotten of your existence, your name reappear. and all those roller coaster of emotions starts again.

do i still want to be the revengeful daughter..
or a daughter of syariah compliant?

Berat

"Abg, Ayang timbang tadi berat dah cecah 60kg.."

"Takpelah. Bahagia kan?"

"YER..."

"KALAU GEMUK TAPI SUSAH HATI, tu baru masalah."

"errr...."

living #2

the war is over,
whatever we didn't find in the fire
we found it in the ashes

right, my friend?

Beautiful Tree

Rain Perry – Beautiful Tree

Bent or broken,
It's the family tree.
Bent or broken,
It's the family tree.
Each branch a part of a part of me.
This is my tree,
And it's a beautiful tree.

Dwarf or giant,
It's the family tree.
Dwarf or giant,
It's the family tree.
Growing just as tall as it was meant to be.
This is your tree,
And it's a beautiful tree.

What a beautiful tree.

Strong or fragile,
It's the family tree.
Strong or fragile,
It's the family tree.
See how the sun shines through the leaves.
This is our tree,
And it's a beautiful tree.
What a beautiful tree.

Sure, it's broken,
But It's the family tree.
Sure, it's broken,
But It's the family tree.
I can feel the sap running through me.
This is my tree,
And it's a beautiful tree.

living

Live free my love
have no regrets
regrets brings nothing but burden

letting go

i've received an invitation by government to buy my second house below market price
it's PRIMA house

under usual circumstances, there will be no valid reason for me to reject the offer

he even said to me, that i should have it.. in his words,

"kalau abang meninggal nanti, at least sayang boleh duduk situ"..

i looked at him.. too long that i didn't realise that he is looking back at me.

those words means a lot.

deep down, i knew he acknowledged that i wouldn't be living where we are living now if it wasn't for him

and he also know that i always think that i always think that could live on my own

but...
life would be no colour if there is no you, dear husband
to whom would i fight every morning
to whom would i miss because your lack of interest of sms-ing
or even talking to me..
to whom would i go for warmth in the middle of the night

don't say about dying
cause i'm not ready to let you go
cause i hate you a lot but i love you more that my mind can process

..

..

so, we let the house go
cause i can let it go
but i can't let you go
and definitely the idea of you 'going'

(and yes, money constraint too..errr)