End year sale.. where everything is cheap.. but always come with a trick

I have been told to be in self empowerment
and by that i have to be in control, hold my power, delegate my work, be a better manager etc etc

How do i empower myself
i couldn't even trust myself that i have power
i even feel so guilty to scold my subordinate for their mistake
because i always believe that they are mirroring me

I then choose to be a teacher
but i'm not a good learner myself
i am frustrated with my inability to work them to their best

is it me?

is it them?

or is it us?


#let's go home. i need rest. you need rest. we need rest. and to start a fresh.

2018

Will i ever make it?

Paper Town - everyone have their own miracle

i am writing this as i'm watching Paper Town. as it was written by John Green, a lot of people compare it with The Fault in Our Stars. and says it is not as good as the later. however for me, i personally like Paper Town better.

at first you may thought that it is a story of finding love. well i thought so. but in the end, it will always be the journey. the journey. and with whom you are sharing it with.

it is never too late to notice it all.. but the earlier the better..

Self-REminder

Semoga aku tak lupa.. "A" yang paling penting bagi seorang anak adalah "Agama"-nya.

where is the line?

there's a fine line between being stern on your point
and being rude without you realizing

i often missed the line

haihh...

Gelap malam

Gelap malam punya seribu satu rahsia.. di saat kau tutup lampu untuk tidur, terasa begitu gelap pandanganmu. Pergerakan terbatas. Keberanian menipis. Kau bayangkan segala yang buruk - buruk sahaja.

Sesaat.

Dua saat.

Tiga saat.

Kemudian muncullah cahaya - cahaya kecil entah dari mana mula menerangi bilikmu. Walaupun pandangan masih terbatas, kau bersyukur adanya cahaya - cahaya tersebut menemanimu. Kau mula terlihat bayang - bayang dan kelibat sekelilingmu.

Sungguh, kita tak tahu hikmah segala kejadian. Di waktu pandangan kita jelas sejelas jelasnya juga sebenarnya penglihatan kita terbatas. Apatah lagi bila ianya menjadi kabur.

Sentiasa ingatkan diri.. segala cahaya adalah pinjamanNya.

Tiada yang kekal, kecuali Dia.

when the sky is no longer blue

i remember the times when i used violence to express my feelings literally ... violent i ended up getting more hurt. .. the earliest that i can remember is when i literally wrestle with my a boy in my class for i detest he keep on name-calling my father. We both ended up in a teacher's room where the boy get whipped and i get a warning. Out from the teacher's room, i cried alone in the girls toilet for so long i ended up getting called by teacher again...for another lecture. up until today, i still don't know which hurts me more.. the act that Megat name-calling my father, or the fact that i never really knew who is my father, or the embarrassment being called to the teacher's room for the first time. but, i'm pretty sure that all the punch and kick from Megat is nothing. .. growing up, i used to be left alone at home during weekdays. My sister both have gone to their campus. Whenever i am feeling stress, i kinda cut myself and see myself bleed just to feel alive. and whenever there is a heavy rain, i just stare to the downpour and say out loud whatever my feeling is. i feel like the whole world is against me. .. in dating years, i will literally punch my partner if they ever hurt me emotionally. i will cry and scream like a mad woman on loose. .. for years i believe that i have a psychiatric issue. i wanted to be treated. but i don't know how. .. am i cured from it? i still have no idea. but now i learn to manage my stress. i turn to Him whenever i'm feeling my lowest low. it is true when people say, if you really wants to take care your relationship with the world, take care your relationship with Him first. Stress is everywhere, but with Him, i felt taken care of. Even during the worst hour. He, provides me hope and serenity. love may have an expiry date. friendships may be betrayed. families may be broken. but the love of God, will keep you sane..forever.

cerah

langit cerah beberapa hari ni jerebu hanya tinggal bersisa awan kembali berona ceria walau menjelang petang hujan membasahi bumi membasuh kotoran yang berbaki syukur atas nikmat hanya Tuhan yang maha mengetahui

cinta fatamorgana

Nasi lemak buah bidara Sayang selasih hamba lurutkan Buang emak buang saudara Kerana kasih hamba turutkan