Thursday, October 29, 2015

episod fikir-fikirkanlah

yang mana timbulnya kemudian

masalah

atau

penyelesaian

Monday, October 26, 2015

randomness

mana yang datang dulu

telur

atau

ayam

Thursday, October 15, 2015

Mencari diri

Wahai anak-anakku, kau terlalu kecil untuk mengerti apa yg ingin ibu sampaikan ni. Tapi, percayalah satu hari nanti kau akan rujuk kembali nota ibu ini.

Kalau dahulu, di zaman sekolah kita selalu diyakinkan bahawa seseorang itu akan mula mencari dirinya diwaktu dia remaja.. akil baligh. Tapi, tak pulak kita diberitahu bila kan kita temu jawapan tersebut.

Kenapa?

Sebab, jawapan yg dicari tak sama utk setiap individu. Ada antara kita beruntung, dengan didikan yg betul, jawapan yg dicari terhidang sepanjang perjalanan hidupnya. Ada juga walaupun dengan didikan yang betul dan sempurna masih terkial-kial mencari jawapan yang tak pasti. Apatah lagi mereka yang tak punya garis panduan langsung..

Kenapa?

Kita di lahirkan punya deria rasa, bau, penglihatan, pendengaran... lalu dengan deria yang ada kita selalu berasa yang orang lain lebih indah hidupnya. 'Grass seems greener on the other side... always' Dan kita selalu berasa kekurangan pada diri sendiri..dan kekurangan itu membatasi kemandirian kita antara sedar atau tidak.

Kenapa?

Ada yang kata, 'sometimes we have to lose ourselves in order to find ourselves..' betul ke? In my case, i do lose myself...over and over again... then only i am settled. Nothing can be proud of, but i just want to tell you that it is possible to find your ground back after being floated around for more than 10 years. Trust me, I'm your living proof. Looking back, my struggle has started  since I'm 15years old.

A survivor?

Not yet.. i believe my journey is still far more to go.

People would do anything to find the meaning of life... to be able to find themselves. Some would quit their stable job and became a wonderer from one place to another just to get the adrenaline going.. some would climb an everest high to prove that they are capable to conquer their fear.. some would return to their mother's shoulder to let go their past.. some would become a priest and meditate in Nepal just to be in peace again.. some just go with the flow and end up die drowning in the tide..

Some people would finally get what they are looking for.. but some dying without any answer.

In law school, we were tought tht there is no right or wrong answer. It is just a matter of perception. But, as i grew older i now understand that there is a right and wrong answer. But you will only hear it, when you want to hear it.

Anak-anakku,  open yourself. Hear your inner self. They have been screaming for attention, but usually left neglected.

By now, you should know that i won't be able to give you answer that you are looking for. You have to find yourself.

But i will always be with you.

Doa ibu akan sentiasa mengiringi tiap langkahmu. Ibu janji.

Monday, October 12, 2015

47 hari

Sudah 2 malam aku tak dapat tidur lena. Ibarat dipanggil-panggil aja naluri keibuan untuk terjaga di tengah-tengah malam dan melihat Hanania tidur lena. Air mata mengalir tanpa dijemput.

Apalah sangat yang aku rasakan nak dibandingkan dengan perasaan 7 lagi ibu-ibu kanak-kanak asli yang hilang di hutan Gua Musang tu. Rasa menyesal pun ada sebab beriya-iya nak tengok foto dua kanak-kanak yang ditemui masih hidup daripada telefon kaklong malam itu. 

47 hari bukan sekejap. Memang boleh hilang kewarasan. 

Apa yang dimakannya?
Apa yang diminumnya?
Apa yang ditengoknya?
Apa yang dirasanya?
Sejuk. Gelap gelita. Suara alam semesta. 
Kawan, adik mati didepan mata tanpa mampu berbuat apa-apa.

Kecil...kau terlalu kecil. Aku harap, dengan kelebihan usia yang Allah kurniakan, kau kan lupa semua ini suatu hari nanti. Dan kau kan membesar seperti kanak-kanak yang lain. Sihat dan kuat.


Wednesday, October 7, 2015

#2015readingmission (update)

Just finished reading this book:

  1. Leaving Time by Jodi Picoult
  2. Langit Vanilla by Wani Ardy
  3. Adultery by Paulo Coelho
  4. Triologi Bisik #1: Bisik 
  5. Triologi Bisik #2: Koyak 
  6. Triologi Bisik #3: M 
Current reading:
  1. Navel Gazing : One Woman's Quest For Size Normal by Anne H. Putnam 
  2. Left Neglected by Lisa Genova 

Thursday, October 1, 2015

#2) love is cinta


Ini buat sahabat yang selalu ada
Tak kira jatuh atau bangun
Dulu dan sekarang
Gelap atau terang

..

aku yakin
juga di waktu hadapan.

An answered prayers

Good morning, husband All those morning feels incomplete If you weren't by my side I'm watching you sleep, stroking your eyebrows an...